Touch Unspoken

My knight of dreams
Now just in such
Daylight kills the real of touch

Body naked
Even clothed
Skin uncovered
Left for froze

Starve for heart and can’t possess
Hunger can’t be quenched by rest

Hypnotized in stare of truth
Not administered as viewed

Promises seen just in sleep
To myself secret to keep

Baptized by a touch ached for
Cannot fight in forfeit war

Promise felt by hands
Unspoken
Still
At night
Desire’s woken

For his touch a life’s been waited
Since been felt need never faded

Can’t rid mind of what consumes
His scent
Within each thought looms

Close my eyes
He’s there again
Until sun-up sad heart can mend

Rays then blind what can’t be seen
Visions from a mind deceived

Audrey Michelle

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Lapsed Fear – Audrey Michelle

Lapsed Fear

A truth one must be blind to miss
Evaporates within each kiss

Deafness to a bell so loud
Justice plays without a sound

Girl desired if less real
To consume would mean to feel

Arid seems the land today
Rain shall not be chased away

Sin dissolves on false belief
What is offered; worth the keep

Lonely in a world too cruel

Honesty’s against the rules

Play the role
Figure it out
Escape all one is about

Fight a fear that burns so strong
******************************
They stare at her
Their eyes lay content

     …Her image….
          …Created….
               …With just that intent…

She lingers within minds too dumb
To realize all she is, is numb

Rejection turned off all senses
“Life’s” now lived ‘hind iron fences

That
Or remain within a dream not own

Princess captured
Just on loan

A soul that sang now just plays dead
A useless heart where love once bled

Eyes need not adjust their view
The two they meet are untrue too

Audrey Michelle Spoken Word Artist

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The Lying Stars

The Lying Stars
Audrey Michelle Spoken Word Poet

The moon & its surrounding stars aligned to spell your name
I saw a sign within the lights
And thought fate was to blame

A span of time flew past my view
A blurry fight for love, untrue

It seems to me that stars don’t lie
No matter how they light the skies
They don’t rhyme and they don’t feel
No dreams foretold
As their appeal

A hungry heart can fantasize
And force its view on starving eyes
They’ll drink whatever comes their way
And then assume that fate betrayed

I swore you were my destiny
A wish upon a star it seems
‘Cause pain inflames the sky tonight
No matter where the stars shine light

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Surviving Insanity

I once tried to kill myself.

I wasn’t successful in my attempt, though I don’t think I cared either way at that point. I had reached rock bottom and ambivalence is the only emotion that survives there.

It is said that only the good die young and I have never been good enough for anything.

Thoughts of dying were constant within my abused mind. They occupied my bed, attended every meal and followed my every movement. I was buried alive and the air that I breathed lasted way too long.

In the moment that could have been my last, I didn’t know the difference between right and wrong. I was crazy. I wasn’t the “hearing voices” kind of crazy though. There was only one voice I ever heard and it was not self-created. I could close my eyes and shield his face but there was no way to vanquish his belittlement. His words were dehumanizing and the pain they inflicted was willful. Through the years of torture his beliefs became my own. Once he gained full control of my mind he manipulated reality, distorted my perceptions and forced my behaviors.

If I had died, it wouldn’t have been by suicide.

The attempt was involuntary, a reflex. His abuse was like a hammer that never stopped striking, in the instance of my near death experience, he just happened to hit the right tendon.

Somehow I was able to escape his manipulation while maintaining my life. It took all that I had and years of recovery, but I am now as close to sane as I’ve ever been.

In retrospect, I realize I was accountable for the attempt on my life. I was brainwashed however nothing and no one can dominate a mind that does not surrender control.

I no longer desire to die and there is something to be said for surviving insanity; Lunacy makes for really good poetry.

— Audrey Michelle Spoken Word Artist

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Free

I shall not mourn his passing Grace
His memory shadows this place
The lights shall stream bright
Until the lasts of grays
Fade
As they fade I see

A reclaimed victory

To be free
To be
What exists as me

To be free
To flee pathology

Escape stoned fate
Remain stain free

I exist
I am me
Me is free

— Audrey Michelle

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